Early Memories with Emerald from the Diamond Net

If you were stranded on a deserted island and could only bring three items, what would they be? And what would the first thing you did be? Search for drinking water? Start building a shelter? Try to figure out where you are and if there is anyone else there? Build a weapon to fight off predators?

Likely, if you would end up surviving, you would do each of those things, but the order is significant, and shows something about your personality. Similarly, in life in general we look for and notice certain data points which we think will be valuable. Back to the deserted island analogy, we might not notice a very poisonous snake because we are so frantically looking for drinkable water.

In the case of Personality, Anatomy of Mind and Emotion outlines seven categories or measurement tools that each person has prioritized differently and therefore react to differently. In short those seven categories is

1: Functionality and Immediate results oriented

2: Accuracy and reproducible results oriented

3: Perspective and Holistic results oriented

4: Harmony and Synergistic results oriented

5: Stability and Classical results oriented

6: Safety and Guaranteed results oriented

7: Excellence and Ideal results oriented

Obviously each person likes all seven, there is no use for safety that is not functional or perspective without accuracy for example, but the impact or which we prioritize is quite significant. People are complex, and this theory of personality is not meant to label people or put them into a box, but is meant to be a tool of self reflection in the process of integration. It is okay to prefer a hammer to a screwdriver but you should at least know how to use both so that when the situation arises where one is clearly better than the other, you can make the best choice. Instead of a hammer or a screwdriver the tools we have at our disposal are the abilities to Initiate, Deconstruct, Expand, Unify, Apply, Preserve, and Transform.

Our bias towards certain of the seven approaches to life I have outlined can be seen in many ways, one is our early memories. It might be more of a novelty than a science, but as more people explore their early memories and compare the trends of themes that are present, I think it will become a powerful tool for understanding yourself and others better.

Emerald’s early Memories seem to show three fairly consistent themes. I will go through each and identify what comments she said that would suggest those approaches as being a preference.

The first preference to stand out is Unification

Unification is bringing things together in harmony. It involves following up and doing maintenance and requires hope and amenability, but offers synergy and connection.

In early memories, the people present are the main focus and enjoyment happens as they join the other person is what they want to do. Also, when the person is referenced their connection is clearly outlined. For example, “My grandma–my dad’s mother. She’s from Georgia”

One tool of Unification is Compatibility which is noticing what goes well together. This approach sees value in keeping a running list of what each person likes and doesn’t like. From Emerald’s memories we see this data presented. “My dad likes hot rods, car racing, talking to people, this certain music and cowboy boots,” my mom likes Paula Abdul and doesn’t like me to tell the surprise. Grandma liked old dolls, lanterns, and old gas heaters.

Unification:

Another Unification tool is receptivity. Grandma’s house seemed to Emerald to be a receptive place. It wasn’t a place where things were more important than people. Unlike some houses that are so organized and clean they emanate a fear to disturb things, Grandma’s place was rickety but felt like home. “I got to go into her world. It was my favorite place.” There is a value set on “grandma’s world” which had value because it was her world and there was harmony there, rather than a place like disneyland or the mall where there was appeal to the things rather than people.

Another tool of Unification is Maintenance. Emerald described enjoying getting baths in the sink as a baby . What she liked about it was, “Being taken care of, and the amount of trust.”

“I actually avoid my phone a little bit.” Another tool of Unification is responsiveness. Unification people are very good about being present with other people when they are together. They give quick positive feedback typically. They are good at staying in touch. Something I have noticed about Unification type people, is that they are very conflicted about their phone, because they like to stay in touch, but also prefer face to face interactions. Also, they also have so many people in their life that it can be stressful to partition time for each person and themselves, especially when one particular person is making things difficult.

In our core emotions, we typically have a more nuanced vocabulary. The word “disagreeable” isn’t a super uncommon word, but shows that this category has a higher resolution or higher importance than others. Another word that seems pretty specific to Unification-minded people is “Magnetic.”

The second preference to stand out in Emerald’s memories is Deconstruction:

Deconstruction is the approach that gets to the bottom of things. It wants to know what data points it can rely on. It looks for data points and qualifies them as far as it can so that it can have the most accurate definition of the variables at play. If the seven emotions were lenses to see life through, the Deconstruction lens would be a microscope or a mass spectrometer. Deconstruction looks from the ground up.

It might seem contrived to presume that Emerald’s memory where she was looking at the Rudolf doll from laying on the ground is significant. It is the first time I have noticed this trend, and I wouldn’t feel confident pointing it out, but in contrast with hundreds of early memories which have the Transformation approach which have the theme of looking at things from the top down, it seems significant.

Two tools of the Deconstruction approach are objectivity and Empiricism. There are many examples of this value being referenced as Emerald speaks, one in particular that stands out to me was how she qualified the certainty of the memory and identified possible biases. “I don’t know how much of this is inventing or embellishing this memory.”

I would be walking from my bedroom to the bathroom. It would be like 20 steps. That distance was measured in reproducible small measurements.

Another tool of Deconstruction is Insight, which is digging deeper to isolate individual variables in a mixture. Deconstruction wants objectively accurate descriptions of things, qualified and quantified. “I remember this through another memory.” The memory was not a simple thing, but an amalgamation of other small components, components that Emerald seemed interested in isolating and confirming whether the assumptions that come with them were still, or ever, true. The inconsistency was that at one point her mom wanted to bath her in the sink, and now then something changed. The question being tested likely was, what are the variables and conditions which result in a bath in the sink.

“I was more iconoclastic.” One specific tool of deconstruction is Antithesis, which looks for deeper insight by challenging or testing to the breaking point the current narrative. Later she says, “question the norms of things.” Also, the deconstruction has very specific definitions for things and uses those terms intentionally rather than haphazardly or culturally. “Iconoclastic,” is a very accurate term for that situation.

Another tool of Deconstruction is corroboration. It is very likely that anyone reading this article, unless they are reading it merely because they appreciate Emerald, is to see if the claims made here hold up. Deconstruction looks for internal and external inconsistencies, and if you are reading this to test the theory to the breaking point, I recommend asking a few people their earliest memories and see if any of the themes I have pointed out correlate. I made a video specifically which goes deeper on this topic.

I was pushed back into the pillar, and I cried as I went home. Deconstruction is the emotion sadness. Sadness, like any of the seven emotions is not positive or negative, it is just the way that your heart or unconscious recommends one of the seven approaches, in this case, to deconstruct what just happened to better understand the variables at play. People with this core emotion typically cry more happy tears rather than bitter ones. Happy tears are a confirmation that you are deconstructing something successfully.

People with a preference with Deconstruction can have a love-hate relationship with being in their own head—they love it because their mind can get to the bottom of things, but hate it because sometimes the bottom of things doesn’t look good and it is difficult to know whether a flower dissected into all of it’s constituent pieces looks very dead or whether there was no life in it to begin with…

Expansion:

The third preference to stand out in Emerald’s memories is Expansion.

The Expansion approach explores what potential categories each variable exists in. It does this so that it can creatively interchange similar components to make new things. It likes to be on the frontier of innovation, and therefore doesn’t like what is boring or mundane. It finds creative solutions to things.

One creative solution to boredom evident in Emerald’s memories was falling asleep during the car ride so that she could save her energy for when she was not trapped in a car. Emerald noticed this trend when she pointed out the theme of feeling trapped in a car or bored.

The opposite approaches to Expansion are Application where you hold your ground, and Initiation where you meet things head on. Expansion approach finds ways around things–it is somewhat of an escape artist. “Before I could establish active boundaries I had to establish passive boundaries by putting distance.”

The Application approach doesn’t need distance to set boundaries because it can just hold its ground.

The Preservation approach doesn’t need distance to set boundaries because it will put an impenetrable wall.

Initiation approach doesn’t need distance to set boundaries because it will make a move towards rather than away and confront the situation directly.

Deconstruction doesn’t need distance to set boundaries because it knows exactly where to cut to stop things if they try and go too far.

Themes in memories definitely don't sum up a whole person’s life, but it can be useful. This conversation with Emerald was only a few memories but of the hundreds of people I have interviewed over the last several years, the theme continues to be strong throughout a whole person’s life. The themes will continue to be strong unless either a life changing event forces a person to explore other approaches or they choose to integrate them. Having the competence and willingness to use all seven approaches will help you get the most out of life.

I have found that as I surround myself with people who have exemplary ability with approaches that I am not as competent in, it helps me to visualize better how integrating that part would look like. I am grateful to know Emerald, apart from the fact that she is a wonderful person, but also because of each of our top three approaches to life we share two, which makes the approach that we don’t have in common even more digestible.

To check out her videos or try her coaching, visit TheDiamondNet.org