Introversion vs Extroversion

Do you love talking to everyone? 

Everyone?

Every single human all the time?

So you are introverted right?

No…?

You like some people…Sometimes? And in some ways?

So what does that make you? Ambivert? 

What actually are introversion and extroversion?

Myers and Briggs, popular for their Jungian based personality theory, defined introversion and extraversion as whether human interaction energizes or drains you. 

The Big 5 factor analysis personality theory similarly defines introversion and extraversion as whether you are outgoing and tend to gain energy in social situations.

Yes, introversion and extroversion might only be one of the five factors in the big five, and one of three factors in MBTI and so not the whole picture they are trying to paint; however both definitions are too simple to be useful for understanding yourself and others better because no one talks to or avoids people all the time.

They do however both touch on an important question: What energizes you?

Spoiler: Is it as simple as “people = Energizing” or “Alone = Energizing?”

Does this energize you? 

How about this? 

Or this? 

Who we choose to interact with, when, and how, is where insight into personality can be found. In each case choices are made, and most importantly for determining introversion and extroversion, that choice isn’t always decided by what is immediately or poignantly energizing or rewarding. 

There is a difference between the immediately energizing or poignant experience of joy or bliss and the delayed or subtly energizing experience of peace or serenity. It is this sort of difference that is the difference in introversion and extroversion. 

Introversion is logical and risk-assessing–it seeks control to variables in order to reduce risk. It is motivated by a desire for peace or serenity. Its role is to define each thing in relation to you.

Extroversion is meaningful and asset-appreciating–it seeks to add value. It is motivated by a desire for joy or bliss. Its role is to define each thing in relation to the thing itself. 

Nothing in life is purely an asset or purely a risk and so the functions of introversion and extroversion should be used together.

The integration of our capacity for introversion and extroversion symbolically is paradise, which in many different cultures is described as a walled garden. The wall is the logic that frames up the ideal place for life to flourish. The garden is the seeds of life or hope you plant or help grow. 

Though the goal of introversion and extroversion is integration or paradise, they approach it in very different ways, and that is where misunderstanding can happen. One person might prefer the introverted risk-assessing approach and start by building a wall and another might prefer the extroverted asset-appreciating approach and start by planting seeds; if they get fixated on their preference they will conflict.

Introversion and extroversion are not the only aspects of life–each can be divided into what is concrete and what is abstract–luckily those are a lot simpler to conceptualize. What is tangible is concrete and what is not is abstract. Similar to how a person fixated on risk-assessment and a person fixated on asset-appreciation will conflict; a person fixated on the concrete and a person fixated on the abstract will also conflict. 

These two dichotomies, introversion vs extroversion, and concrete vs abstract make up the four aspects of life. Our tendency for which aspects we notice first or which aspect we predominantly use to make decisions creates a distinct difference between us and other people. 

When using one of the seven emotions or measurement types that you are familiar with, you likely easily see and consider all four aspects. When using an emotion or measurement type that you are not familiar or proficient with, it is likely that only one or two aspects are noticed or considered. 

Understanding better what introversion and extroversion fundamentally are can help you know how to expand what you see and consider to gain a more integrated perspective. 

You might not realize how unaware you are of certain aspects of life because of how quickly you look past them or even push them away. For example, you might see a snake, and the introverted or risk-assessing part of you will set off the danger alarm and you will avoid it. This means that your initial assumption of the danger of the snake will not be challenged by the opportunity to see any potential benefit of it. This does not mean that you have to attend to everything around you including things you feel are dangerous or meaningless. It is up to each person to choose what they want to direct their attention towards. If someone doesn’t want to learn about snakes they don’t have to. 

Seeing as much of the integratedness of life as possible both can help you enjoy it more and get bitten by less snakes. We are wired to compile an emotional and intellectual concept or map of the world and whether we like it or not that process can’t be stopped–it can only be directed. It is impossible to know the best place to direct your attention or what action to take, but if you direct your attention with the intention of integrated action, you will find yourself more in the here and the now and more able to do what is both meaningful and logical. 

You can imagine introversion and extroversion as two boxes where your mind stores information. One box is for things that have important implications to you because of their potential for danger; the other box is for things that can be enjoyed for what they are regardless of their relation to you. The box something goes in matters because each box is processed a different way–one major distinction being that one box is things to control and the other is things not to. In each situation there are things to control and things not to control, and when the situation requires one of the seven emotions or measurement types we are not familiar or proficient with, we are more likely to do one or the other rather than both. 

Not to call out any examples, but a vivid example of someone who saw and treated something primarily as an asset and did not consider the risk aspect is Timothy Treadwell who decided to live with bears alone for ten summers in Alaska. Ultimately the decision proved to be more of a risk than an asset. This particular example is a good illustration of how extroversion and introversion can be contrasted and how bias towards one can have negative effects. Timothy lived mostly alone for those ten summers, which at face value would seem to suggest that he was more energized by being alone rather than with people. It is clear though whether he saw the large life decision of living with bears as primarily a meaningful asset or as a logical risk. When he thought about bears, likely his concept of them didn’t involve wanting to change or control them. He was likely predominately thinking of ways to get closer to them rather than considering what would happen if they came closer to him. He did this to the point of actually touching the wild bears on a regular basis. 

Most people might see it as a simple choice whether or not living with bears with no precautions is more of a risk or an asset. However, we all have other decisions that might seem obvious to outsiders but very difficult to us. For example, whether to speak up and set boundaries with someone might seem like most a risk. Whereas others might clearly see setting boundaries as an asset. 

Our reflexes often show more about what we can easily or quickly do rather than what is actually best for the situation. To help us rise above the bias of our reflexes we can build a habit of reframing each situation. One way of doing that is to ask a series of questions. 

The first question helps identify the concrete extroverted aspect, “What is this as a tangible asset unrelated to me?” 

The second question helps identify the concrete introverted aspect, “What is this as a tangible risk?” 

The third question helps identify the abstract extroverted aspect, “What is this as an intangible or potential asset unrelated to me?” 

The fourth question helps identify the abstract introverted aspect, “What is this as an intangible or potential risk?”

In arguments you are likely to see that one side is stubbornly trying to answer one question while the other side is stubbornly trying to answer a different one. 

Mutual understanding and cooperation can be difficult because there are meaningful aspects to life that can’t and shouldn’t be controlled and there are logical aspects that can and should, and there is no definitive way of determining which is which, or where one starts and the other ends. To compound the difficulty, often most of the factors each person uses to determine what can or should be controlled are unconscious. 

Trying to control what can’t and shouldn't often comes not only at a high psychological and social cost but comes at a high physiological cost as well. The art of life is to identify which aspects to control and which not to. Some refer to this distinction as the difference between love and trust. Trust is conditional or controlled and love is not. A relationship is built on trust. Extroversion or love is a movement towards something to support it in the direction it is already going. This means that one person being fascinated by another person does not make a relationship especially if there is a desire to control them. A relationship happens when two people make a conscious decision to cooperate. 

Anatomy of Mind and Emotion is a tool for integrating all four aspects with all seven emotions or measurement types. The core of the A.M.E. theory is that there are seven fundamental actions which start as a suggestion from the heart and then are logically framed up by the mind by considering all four aspects in order to result in an integrated action. 

This theory makes the assumption that the heart is fundamentally good, and though emotions can be misdirected, that as they are better understood, they can be relied on to suggest what is meaningful to do.

This good or true motion or motivation from the heart in the complex social and technological world we live in can be difficult to understand and put into action, but as you practice you will improve. A.M.E. Aims to support, facilitate, and inspire that process. 

Good luck on your journey! I hope to see you again!